Business By Hormozi #166: The Power of Healthy Boundaries
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Ari and the Overbearing Friend
Ari had always been the kind of person who went out of their way to help others. Whether it was a friend in need or a colleague dealing with a difficult situation, Ari was always there, lending an ear, offering advice, or even stepping in to take over when necessary. But over time, they began to feel drained.
One friend in particular, Sarah, had always seemed to rely on Ari for emotional support. At first, Ari didn’t mind. Sarah’s problems were real, and being a good friend meant being there when things got tough. But soon, it felt like Sarah was making every little inconvenience into a crisis. Every minor issue, no matter how trivial, seemed to find its way to Ari.
Sarah wasn’t just sharing her problems; she was trying to make them Ari’s problems. Whenever something didn’t go her way, Sarah would call Ari, expecting them to drop everything and solve it. Ari found themselves constantly adjusting their schedule, even canceling plans, just to help out, and yet Sarah never seemed to take responsibility for her own issues.
The Breaking Point
One evening, after yet another emergency call from Sarah about a misunderstanding with a coworker that Ari had heard a hundred times before, Ari sat down, exhausted and frustrated. They loved their friend, but this pattern was starting to take its toll. Ari realized something important: being a supportive friend doesn’t mean carrying the weight of someone else’s emotional baggage.
The problem wasn’t Sarah’s struggles—it was Sarah’s expectation that Ari should constantly be involved. Ari had spent too long avoiding confrontation, not wanting to upset their friend. But now, they understood that setting boundaries wasn’t just about saying no—it was about preserving their own energy and mental health.
Setting the Boundary
The next day, Ari called Sarah. It was a calm conversation, but one that changed their dynamic. Ari explained how much they valued the friendship but also needed to set some boundaries. They let Sarah know that while they were happy to help when they could, they couldn’t always be the go-to person for every problem. Ari made it clear that Sarah’s emotional well-being was her responsibility, and that it wasn’t fair for her to dump every issue on Ari’s plate.
To Ari’s surprise, Sarah was receptive. She admitted that she had been relying too much on Ari and apologized for not being more self-aware. From that moment on, their relationship shifted. Sarah learned to handle more of her own problems, and Ari felt a renewed sense of peace, knowing that they didn’t have to solve every issue that came their way.
The Importance of Healthy Boundaries
This experience taught Ari a valuable lesson: healthy boundaries are key to maintaining positive relationships. It’s important to distinguish between being a supportive friend or colleague and being someone who takes on others' problems as their own. There are three types of people to avoid if you want to maintain your mental health and energy:
People who try to make their problems, your problems – These individuals are quick to unload their burdens on you, expecting you to carry them. They may not even realize they’re doing it, but you’ll start to feel the weight.
People who try to make not problems into big problems – Some people have a tendency to blow small inconveniences out of proportion. They want you to feel as stressed as they do, amplifying every minor issue.
People who try to tell you your life is their problem – These people will constantly try to manipulate your life choices, steering you into making decisions that suit them rather than respecting your autonomy.
By recognizing these behaviors, Ari was able to protect their own energy while still being there for the people who truly needed support. Setting boundaries isn’t about rejecting people—it’s about showing them respect by valuing your own time and emotional well-being.
The Takeaway
Ari’s story illustrates an important truth for anyone dealing with personal or professional relationships: boundaries are essential for a balanced life. Don’t let others impose their emotional load on you, and don’t let minor issues become major problems. You are not responsible for solving every problem, especially those that aren’t yours to fix.
By learning to say no when needed and recognizing when others are overstepping, you can preserve your mental and emotional health. It’s not about being cold or unsympathetic—it’s about creating space for the things that truly matter, so you can be the best version of yourself in every aspect of your life.
